A few months after Emilia was boring my hair starting falling out in clumps. Around 6-7 months I started noticing my hair growing back especially towards the front of my hair. Eight and a half months now and my hair is looking fuller. My baby hairs are longer and I don’t look like a 5th grader that chopped her own bangs because she was upset with her parents. I have been going back and forth about dying my hair so my curls will pop more. I’m just so nervous, I’ve always had dark one tone hair. My curls are so nice though and I really want to go for something a little different.
Shea Moisture curling soufflé
I liberally applied bounce curl light gel throughout my wet hair in two sections. Clumped my hair then proceeded to scrunch it. Then soon after scrunching it I used my diffuser and started diffusing it.
I have to fight hard to be able to look on the brighter side. There are many times in the past when I would just be paralyzed from a bad day. I wouldn’t be up to do anything for a few days. I would cry often and only saw the bad in every day. Years have passed and I am 25 now although I still have my moments my bounce back time is much quicker. Often times what kept me from optimism was fear. The fear of disastrous happening. ‘What if that?’ ‘What if this?’ ‘But that could go wrong.’ I was always expecting the worse. I let the fear of the future dictate everything about me.
After a few years I found myself turning to faith. I remember there was a point when I didn’t feel like I deserved to pray to God because I went so many years without doing so. I went years without praying for guidance or even giving thanks for what I had. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before but I find myself back here when I life gets tough again. My emotions get bottled up and I don’t know what to do. I want to cry but it’s difficult to cry. This is how I vent. This is part of my stress reliever.
“When life gets tough, the tough get going” It took me years to understand that saying, even longer to apply it to my own life. It’s always easier said than done because at the moment when you are dealing with problems it’s difficult to think straight. At that moment you are going off of emotion which 99% of the time is not a good idea. I am still working on thinking first and acting second.
Becoming a mother has taught me many things but one of the more important things is balance.
Raising children takes an entire different type of patience, time, and energy from you. Becoming a mother has been a tiring yet beautiful learning experience so far. I love to watch her laugh and scream in excitement. I can’t get over her smiles and her little “huh?!” Its beautiful to watch children discover and learn new things without you teaching them.
As I am becoming amazed and gushing over my daughter I realized that I am letting myself go – I have been having too much of the junk/fast food and not enough healthy food. I wasn’t able to figure out how to take care of myself. I know I mentioned in a previous post about learning how to take care of myself. I believe the first step in doing that is finding a good balance – things like not taking advantage of free time (if Emilia allowed me any), making sure I am on a healthy diet, making time for exercise, spend quality time with family and friends, personal time for myself to write, etc. For a few months I was struggling to find a balance.
Then one day, a couple of months ago, I was lying on my bed and saw my gut. I became a little disappointed in myself. Right after Emilia was born I was good, I made sure I ate well, walked around the house often, and wore my back support. Then I guess after I realized that I couldn’t breastfeed anymore I didn’t see an important reason to eat healthy and take care of my body. Finally, one weekend, a month ago, I got up and went to the gym. It wasn’t the best workout, I was there for 30 minutes but it was better than nothing. My body was slowly getting into movement again, it felt nice.
Fast forward to month and few weeks later, I worked the gym into my schedule. I work extra hard on the weekends, early in the morning. I am starting to eat right. And the best part, I have not disrupted my bonding with Emilia at all. I’m thankful for my mom’s help because without her it would be so much more difficult to find a balance. But she’s also who I learned balance from. My mom never stops.
A big part of balance is prioritizing. Which makes sense right? How can you make time for something without figuring out when and where it needs to get done? ‘Can I wait until the weekend to go to the gym? Yes. So I will work on laundry today.’ It’s about knowing the task you want to accomplish and prioritizing to get them done.
I have learned make use of my time in a way where I feel content. I don’t feel like I missed out on too much. I feel like I am taking care of myself and baby.
Dear Lord Jesus,
I am at a stage of my life where I feel stagnant. I’m unsure where to go. I long for a better professional life but struggle with finding my path to accomplish this. I struggle with finding out how to tie my passion in with financial stability. I just want to be able to create and from my creations support my family. It tears me up inside because I have slowly started feeling this way and I don’t know where to start. I dream of becoming a creator like I see via the internet yet I don’t know where to start and lack the confidence. I pray that you help me find my way soon. I want Emilia to be proud of me and I want to be able to give Emilia a life of joy excitement and stability. I want to show Emilia that she should follow her dreams and work hard.
In Jesus’ name,
Being a giver makes me happy. I love to do for others. Over the weekend i had a surprise birthday party for someone in my life. A relative of mine commented early last week, “Wow he’s getting three birthday dinners and he didn’t even plan anything for your birthday?” I just played it off. I mean, some people just are not great at planning things, I understand.
Just a short few hours later after hearing that comment, I started to feel resentful. As I was putting together his birthday dinner with his family’s side, I found myself getting very annoyed. I thought to myself, “well I really don’t understand why I am going all out for this. Planning three separate birthday celebrations when I couldn’t even get him to plan one for my 25th earlier this year.”
Sunday dinner came and went and the following day was his birthday. I planned a small dinner at a restaurant with him and his friends too. Even at the dinner I found myself highly annoyed by every little thing. At the end of the night, after a full tummy, I found myself happier.
The next few days would be busy busy busy. I had to make sure the decorations were done, my shopping complete, and every thing prepped for the party. As I was getting everything ready I was getting excited. I was happy to be able to put something together for someone. Especially since it will bring a smile to someone’s face.
Saturday finally arrived and I was running around doing last minute shopping. I decorated and made sure everything was how I envisioned it. Needless to say, he was surprised. I was happy to see the look on his face.
The image above with the quotes spoke to me. Giving is a part of who I am. There may be times when I might want something and I don’t get it but I never dwell in that mindset for too long. I love to put a smile on someone’s face. I love to be able to surprise them with something good that they never had before. I know how great it feels to be thought of and I want to give that same feeling back. At the end of the day, my love one was happy and definitely surprised. That makes me happy.