A Mother’s Love

Drumming along the tune of resolutions…..

I’m neither a fan nor hater of new year resolutions. I don’t knock people who set new year resolutions. I think it’s a great thing to set goals for yourself. I also believe that you can set goals at any point of your life despite the time of year. But for the sake of it still being January of the new year, I wanted to discuss a very important resolution I have chosen to set for myself.

As a woman and now a mother I understand how mothers care and love their children. It’s absolutely insane how much a mother’s love can change a person. How crazy is it that most of us just need our mothers’ hugs, kisses, advice – to get us through some of the most difficult situations.

Growing up I would definitely say I was a daddy’s girl for the early stages of my childhood. Then as I grew into an adolescent I didn’t bickered with my dad often and felt like my mom understood me better. Unfortunate as I became a teenager, I was adapting to my outside world. As I saw other teens doing whatever they wanted, dressed in the hottest clothes, and with the latest devices I started to become envious. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t as well-off as they were. Still, I just wore what I had and tried my best to make it look nice.

My mother didn’t work. She was a full-time stay-at-home mom. [sidebar- I wish I could be too] So my mom was always there for my sister and I growing up. She took us to school, picked us up, drove us to the store, doctor’s appointments, everything. She always made sure we were fed. She made sure we were ready for school. Seriously, unconstitutional love and care. That was my mom. My half-sister even mentioned to me recently how she admires how my mom was always there for us. I just never have her enough credit.

Growing up I felt like I was very much less affectionate towards my mom compared to how I was with my friends. Which, reflecting back now is terrible. I felt like I definitely could’ve been a better daughter.

This year, I want to turn over a new leaf. Nothing measures up to a mother’s love besides God’s. God created women to nurture and love. My mother is the personification of unconditional love. She deserves to be loved the way she loves. I haven’t been anywhere near the perfect daughter. I know I could be more affectionate. I know I could express my love more. Don’t take your mother’s love for granted especially when she’s been there for you through thick and thin. A mother’s love isn’t just nurturing but it also makes you stronger mentally and spiritually.

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Mommy Kicks

With being a mommy I always look for cute comfy outfits that are quick to put on. Lately I’ve been into cute sneakers. I haven’t been back to my pre-pregnancy weight so my old jeans are too tight. But with the couple of new ones I bought, I love to wear them with cute comfy running shoes like these Nike Flyknit Racers. I like the all white with the black bottoms. Simple yet sticks out. I picked these up today and put them on right away. They are comfy and cute. Exactly what a mommy needs! 

What to wear

For a few years I’ve would tell myself ‘I’m going to upgrade my wardrobe’. Well that was my sophomore year in college and I’m 25 and have graduated now. I still haven’t really updated anything. I managed to donate most of my wearable clothing. Now I’m down to clothes that I can’t wear in public, either they are too small, outdated, or plain ugly. 

I still struggle to commit to shopping for clothes. I always end up buying food. I don’t have the patience to go shopping anymore. Especially with my body weight being what it is. I just feel insecure and tired of trying to find anything that will fit and look good on me. I hope other mommies can relate because this mommy is in desperate need of a new look! 

BALANCE

Becoming a mother has taught me many things but one of the more important things is balance.

Raising children takes an entire different type of patience, time, and energy from you. Becoming a mother has been a tiring yet beautiful learning experience so far. I love to watch her laugh and scream in excitement. I can’t get over her smiles and her little “huh?!” Its beautiful to watch children discover and learn new things without you teaching them.

As I am becoming amazed and gushing over my daughter I realized that I am letting myself go – I have been having too much of the junk/fast food and not enough healthy food. I wasn’t able to figure out how to take care of myself. I know I mentioned in a previous post about learning how to take care of myself. I believe the first step in doing that is finding a good balance – things like not taking advantage of free time (if Emilia allowed me any), making sure I am on a healthy diet, making time for exercise, spend quality time with family and friends, personal time for myself to write, etc. For a few months I was struggling to find a balance.

Then one day, a couple of months ago, I was lying on my bed and saw my gut. I became a little disappointed in myself. Right after Emilia was born I was good, I made sure I ate well, walked around the house often, and wore my back support. Then I guess after I realized that I couldn’t breastfeed anymore I didn’t see an important reason to eat healthy and take care of my body. Finally, one weekend, a month ago, I got up and went to the gym. It wasn’t the best workout, I was there for 30 minutes but it was better than nothing. My body was slowly getting into movement again, it felt nice.

Fast forward to month and few weeks later, I worked the gym into my schedule. I work extra hard on the weekends, early in the morning. I am starting to eat right. And the best part, I have not disrupted my bonding with Emilia at all. I’m thankful for my mom’s help because without her it would be so much more difficult to find a balance. But she’s also who I learned balance from. My mom never stops.

A big part of balance is prioritizing. Which makes sense right? How can you make time for something without figuring out when and where it needs to get done? ‘Can I wait until the weekend to go to the gym? Yes. So I will work on laundry today.’ It’s about knowing the task you want to accomplish and prioritizing to get them done.

I have learned make use of my time in a way where I feel content. I don’t feel like I missed out on too much. I feel like I am taking care of myself and baby.

Last night I cried

Emilia starting crawling last night. The past few weeks she would get up on her hands and knees and rock herself back me forth. I told everyone, “she’s going crawl in the next few weeks”. Then last night she made me cry for a good 5 minutes. She didn’t care to pay attention to me of course. She’s was too happy moving right along. I picked her up and gave her a tight hug.

I was looking at old photos and was admiring how big and beautiful she’s gotten these last 8 months. There is just something about seeing her crawl last night that forced me to propel myself into the future to an older Emilia. To me, crawling, was the start of her really growing up. She’s so smart, determined, sassy, sweet.

I can’t get over last night. I keep replaying it in my head (and on my phone). Being a parent has its days of frustration and stresses but ultimately it’s such a beautiful thing to watch your child learn, grow, and discover. 

Mommy Rant

I am sitting here at my computer at work. I have felt this immense amount of emotion this morning. Actually at this very moment I am feeling the need to cry. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel overwhelmed? I k now I have been thinking about the future often. I love being a mother, it can get very exhausting sometimes, but I love it. With the 7 ½ months of being a mother I realized the most important thing to have is support, patience, and love. I couldn’t do this on my own. My family has played such a great role in helping to take care and raise Emilia.. Even with all of the help I still find myself overwhelmed sometimes. There are days when I feel like super mom followed by days when I feel like super crappy. No matter what, I always make sure I am mommy first. Working full time and being a mommy isn’t easy. I find myself exhausted by the end of most days. There was even a day when I had to ask for a day off just to sleep in the next day.

With becoming a mom I am starting to see the importance of taking care of yourself too. When I was single, no children, no attachments – I understood the importance of loving yourself. You know, single, no one to tell you that you’re beautiful every day. So of course, I worked on loving myself more and making sure I felt confident in myself in everything I did. Then I became a mom and I realize that I need to take care of myself. Between work, taking care of Emilia, and taking care of every other part of my adult life – I needed to find a balance. I needed to find outlets to let out my frustrations. I needed to get back to eating healthy and getting fit. It is essential for me to make sure that I am in tip-top shape. Why? Simply because I am a mom. I want to be in my best physical, mental, and spiritual condition because I want to make sure that Emilia gets the best of me.

I’m still new to motherhood. I’m learning as I go as well as getting advice from family and friends. At the end of the day I want to be the best mother I can for Emilia. Lately I have been going to the gym on the weekends. Last weekend I didn’t miss a day. It felt amazing. I noticed my overall mood was much happier. I wasn’t tired. I had the energy to do so much. At the moment I am trying to establish a good gym schedule for during the week. It feels good to write again. Though ‘writing’ has taken another meaning with the popularity of blogging, but nonetheless the concept is the same. The best way for me to express myself is through my writing and I haven’t been able to do much of it. So this right here, this post, feels amazing.