I’m laying in bed right now, irritated. My period only escalated my irritation.
Since giving birth I started noticing a change in my period. Before being pregnant, my period was tolerable. I didn’t have bad cramps, I wasn’t overly emotional , it was just an quick and simple cycle. Post birth, I started to feel bad cramps and I’d get overly emotional. Usually I’m very good at controlling my emotions. I don’t allow any emotion to escalate. The past few months it seemed like my pms would take a simple emotion and heighten times 10.
I hate it. Even me typing this post and thinking about it makes me mad. My hormones are crazy. If you can’t already tell, I’m on my period. You’re welcome.
Hello bloggers and readers!
I have been m.i.a. lately. I haven’t been doing anything all too exciting. Easter weekend was very eventful though. We went to local zoo all afternoon on Saturday. Then Sunday we attended Easter church service and spent time between our families. I want to take more pictures and do more videos so hopefully I’ll have some nice content for you all soon!
This weekend was full of bonding and healthy juices, smoothies, açaí bowls, and shoes.
My hubby took me to a new juice and smoothie bar called Nekter Juice Bar and it is awesome. Of course places like this are always more on the pricier side but an occasional treat here and there doesn’t hurt. Plus their juice is something my hubby likes so that makes it much easier to get him to drink some healthy juices!
I apologize for not posting my lunch meals from the past few days. I have been busy traveling a little bit for work. I did want to share with you all with what I’ve been up to. Emi and I had some free time to window shop. I found this book at Michael’s and I had to buy it. We’ve read it the past two nights. I also felt it heavy on my heart to type a little prayer over my life. I know I’ve shared my prayers with you all before, so I added a photo of it here. I hope you all have a blessed day and night.
The first three photos are from Top Golf on Saturday. The last picture is our Sunday night dinner. Enjoy 😃
We have been spoiling ourselves this weekend with delicious food. Not necessarily the healthiest for our bodies but definitely tasty. Last night we had dinner at Top Golf, a fun driving range in Roseville. Then tonight we had dinner at Wingstop. This new week we are planning to prep our lunches everyday. We also plan to eat healthier throughout the day. And during the weekend indulge a bit.
The last people you’d think would make you feel shitty about yourself are your own parents.
That opening came out strong but that’s the truth isn’t it? We came out of our mother’s womb. We are supposed to feel protected by our fathers. Instead of feeling loved and cared for, I felt like a burden. It was in the month of February in 2018 when I realized that my father never loved me. I was simply a pawn in his game of chess.
I have five older siblings. They’re my half-siblings. For a very long time I never saw them as “half-siblings” they were simply my siblings. I didn’t understand why I never saw my older siblings that often. I just knew that my father didn’t like their mother. For a very long time my father made me feel like I needed to dislike my siblings because they refused to live with him and cut off all ties with their mother. That’s quite the life to live at a young age.
Fast forward to the age of 26. My relationship with my older siblings aren’t great and it never was and probably never will be. And I am okay. My father was using me as a pawn to shove it in his older children’s face. How? Well let me share my theory. My father wanted to show my siblings that if they would have chosen him over their mother then they would be successful. He was banking on me to become a super millionaire. That way he could say, ‘See if you were to have chosen to live with me and forget about your mother you could be as successful as her.’
I’m 26 and nowhere near the type of success he approves of. I am the first to graduate high school and the first to attend college and graduate with a degree. But I know deep down in my heart that my father didn’t care because I’m not rich. He wanted to use me to stick it to my siblings. Unfortunately he couldn’t use me. Unfortunately I’m just a “disappointment”, “disgrace”, “disrespectful”, “stupid”, “dumb”. Nothing I have done or could do will ever impress my father. As sad as that may sound, I know there are so many other people who have been mentally abused in this way – their parents.
There’s so much more I’d wish to say but I might just leave that for my book. This conclusion is definitely heartbreaking but it’s my reality. My father couldn’t use me to win over my older siblings so I’m useless and worthless in his eyes.
But I know I’m none of what he thinks of me.